Hmmnn...

Who was I before?
What about now?
Can I still soar?
Or under demands bow?
Questions ever-changing,
Answers I have none.
Are my values degrading?
Or is it just 'good fun'?
The truth before all eyes,
Never can that be,
For people always try,
What they want,to see.
That's how it is,
Evermore shall't stay..
Seal these thoughts with a sigh,
And wish them far away!

Still More Random Verses..

Uncertainty mocks me,.
With her appearance.

Life balks me!
All I want is clearance.

***

Too much on my mind,
I cannot escape,
Thoughts turn unkind,
Truth hides,dully draped.

***

What remains,

Except the past?

The present is

But a farce.

Then comes a turn,

Of luck or chance.
Falling inwards?

Ride the trance!

Shivering soul,

Calls for restrain!

A brazen heart,
No love retains!

***

I light a match,
Exhilirating scratch,

The flickering flame,
Lighting my death cane...

***

Too close to turn away,
So marching onward went,

Set out to sow new seed,
Alas the land was dead!

***

Marching blindly forward,

Without plan or notion,
Walking unstopped onwards,

Just for the sake or motion.
Storm set in my eyes,
Placed there by stubborn lies.
Every action enraged,

Emotions, now uncaged!

***

Alone we came,
Alone we leave.
Arrive,they laugh.

Depart,they grieve.

***

Striving for happiness,
Obstacled by sorrow,
Shadows of the past,
Present in the morrow.

***

Head yet uncovered.
Heart still touched.
Thus i've suffered,
Remaining unlov'd.

***

Towards another,
Perhaps,a blunder?
Caution thrown...
To winds oft blown.

***

The great escape-
Away from strife,
Is not the function,
Of fulfilling life..

Yet, a purpose it serves,
Of furthering sustainenece.
By adding some verve,
To a dull existence!

***

Afterward.

Another day,without tears.
Heart not clamped by fear.
Sweet love left such pain,
Bitter thoughts,mem'ries maim.

Decision made to abandon ship,
Save myself from losing grip.
Reasons varied,expressed few,
Rift created 'twixt me and you.


***
And you're fading away,
With each passing day.
My heart's healing itself,
Kept,now,on a shelf.
Too high for you to reach,
I don't reproach nor beseech.
How could you give me,
What you never had?
My doors open wide,
But,you ain't invited inside.
Leave now,while you're lost,
Perhaps,I'll miss you most.
***

Loose Ends...

Life is but a stage!
Scenes writ on this page..
Not romance nor comedy,
Just untold adversity.

Covering up the cracks,
But they always show,
Lost in my track,
Don't know where to go.

Money,money,money!
End to insecurity,
Bills piling 'tween them,
Is there an end?

You were so close,
Why'd you leave?
Now,left with those,
Better friends,I perceive.

No talent nor skill,
Will pull me through.
Gone in a strike,
Neither flames will renew.

I feel that I'm asleep,
Nothing left to keep.
Go away!
Return..
Such unconcern!
But,it leaves no scars,
Stopped by no bars.
Except,in my head,
Areas all marked red.

Pump the music out loud!
Still,in a bustling crowd..
Escape all the stares.
Stitch up the tears.

A blink of an eye--
Sigh,Goodbye!
Fluttering lashes,
Cold-water splashes,
Damn,my head aches!
Can't stay here,awake..
Give me a break!

If i cut my veins,
And watch the blood seep..
How much will you'll weep??
It's just eternal sleep.

Questions..

(Questions of a victim of domestic abuse to a survivor...)

All's well that ends well,

Did you cry when you fell?

Was it as scary as this?

Did ev'rything feel amiss,

When you were so low,

After blow upon blow?

Did they silence your voice?

Was there even a choice?

How did you rise,

Broke free of those ties?

Will I ever be,

Like you,free???

Musings..(with Cheri on the bench)

What's done is done.
We had our fun.
Hearts were broken,
Harsh words were spoken.

Hitting out at all who matter..
Tearful voices,merry chatter,
Sun up,sun down,
We laugh,we frown...
Wind stays still,
No heat,no chill.
A drop of blood ,
Forecasts the flood.
Dancing trees,
Prancing leaves,
Swish,crush,crackle..
Raising every hackle.
The wheels keep turning,
Souls keep burning..
Another comment,
Beckoning descent!

To Walk Alone

Lonely in the bustling crowd,
Silent warnings,screaming loud!
Years before he had vowed:
To Walk Alone.

Unending days,eternal nights,
Constant,relentless:the fight!
Who,truly,can have the right,
To Walk Alone?

Step by step,he paved the way.
Grim by face,never to sway.
"All I want is," he'd say..
"To Walk Alone.''

Yet another age pass'd by,
Round the bend,hear him cry-
''Wasted,helpless,sad am I,
That shall be how I die
But till death I will try:
To Walk Alone.

Messed Mind

There's something on my mind,
I can't define
It's constant presence
Changing me,my ways
Thoughts forming a maze
That I'm trapped in
Another dead-end
Turn
Another bend
Longing,straining,fumbling..
For respite,some relief
What's left to believe?
Guilty as a thief
Lonely as an outcast
Not wanting company
Falling,falling,falling fast!
Into another dark abyss
What is it I miss?
My moods:like waves
A storm at sea!
Calm and solemn appearing to be
Turbulent currents below
Caught in the undertow..
Nowhere to go
Confront what?
I do not know
This is far from confusion
For I have no choices
I'm not insane
I hear no "voices"
Lost, so lost, in thought
But I'm not thinking
I'm not drowning
Im sinking!
Into myself.

After It All

You take a chance,
Put your neck on the line..
Hoping and praying
Things will turn out fine.
You get out there..
A step you think
Will take you everywhere.
Setting off to prove
Certain people wrong
But,you're left with nothing..
When it's all gone.
Life has its turns,
Twists you tight.
Defeat can be sweet
If you put up a fight.
Wishes and dreams,
Lay crushed and broken
From blissful sleep,awoken.
Bodily wounds heal in time,
Debt to society gets paid after crime
But,a dent in your spirit,
Leaves you torn...
And a part of your soul
Is lost forever...
Never to return,
Never!!!

What is love?

Is it crazy passion?
Or unbridled bliss?
A moment of madness?
Another twist?
Perfection played out,
The clasping of hands,
Brimming tenderness,
Fulfilling demands?
Or what if it were,
Soothing all fears?
Encouraging the talent
Wiping the tears?
Letting go and knowing,
That they will come back.
Feeling and showing,
With untimely haste,
Longing,unchaste?
A gesture,a phrase,
Sheer clarity,muddled haze?
Synchronised heartbeats,
When twin souls meet?
A shower of blessings,a downpour of pain.
Pricking of thumbs,slittng of veins.
Maybe an eternal sacrifice:
Giving up life!
Forsaking all lies...
Always some company,
A comfort,a joy,
Sense of solidarity,solace perhaps?
Endless devotion,
A submissive ear,
Hampering dependence,
Wanton abandon?
Shimmering brightness,
Shinning aglow
Deep inside...
Every soul!

Reaching out..unsure of what to do..
Where do I stand and where are you?
Why do i even care at all?
Our shoulders pushed against teh wall .
Definitely up in arms,
Still,somehow,meaning no harm.
And now im going back on my word ,
Typed taglines,not pen,nor sword.
Betraying myself..what is worse?
Melodrama seems my curse.
Hate and pity and concern,
Mixed and taunting at evry turn.
Silence demanded,questions strain,
Amends attempted,all in vain.
Knowing,wanting perhaps to soothe,
Keeping distance,not a fool.
And so it goes on and on...
Minds confused,loyalties torn.

You!

I wanna cry my heart out,
But,what can I do?
My heart's turned traitor..
It's too full of you!

I wanna steal away,
Into the guarding dark,
But,the only place I feel safe..
Is wrapped up in your arms!

I wanna slash my wrists,
And let the pain flow free,
But,no matter what I do..
My blood would gush for you!

I wanna get outta your control,
But,If I do that,
There'd only be a body..
Bereft of a soul!

*Do you really want this,
You and me together?
'Cause love comes first..
Then comes forever!*

From the mind of..a love rejected.

I see you there,
Without a care.
Laughing out loud,
Amongst the crowd.
That I'm not part of,
And can never be,
'Cause you're not with me.
I see 'him' too,
Whom you love true.
My attempts to have
You by my side,
Were all in vain.
Like commanding back tide.
Not only failed..but also lost,
Precious friendship that has no cost.
And I want to..
Stop thinking about you.
But,it's so hard!
My mind is marred.
By images of your face,
Thru' nights and days.
Memories stuck in my heart,
Like a poisoned arrow,
Tipped with venomous sorrow.
Yet,amidst all this pain,
Lingering hope remains,
That together we'll be again..
If not as lovers,
Atleast,as friends.
Ofcourse it's all a silly dream..
My pride,I must redeem!
But time tends to change everything.
Who knows what the future brings!
Destiny unfolds and a story pens,
Lady luck,chances lends.
For now,I'm content,at stars to simply stare,
Twinkling brightly in heavens lair.

More Random Verses

Another twist
Another turn,
Another lesson,
To be learnt.
A broken heart,
A wounded knee,
A chance to be:
Healed and free.

*****

So surreal,
I cannot believe
the truth.It hurts,
What a surprise,
My love is cursed!
Ev'ryone thought,
He loved me true.
But I love him,
And he does not..
The pain I gave,
Now I begot.

*****

The light of:
A thousand stars,
Speckled skies,
Bright red mars.
Reflected in your
Minds eye..
Not love,nay!
But another prize.

*****

Bliss comes wearily,
Clothed in haze,
Never found fleeting,
Lost in a daze.

*****

Love mocks the feeble,
Ransoms the brave,
Shows most willingly:
A path to the grave.

*****

Hurt lingers forever,
Gnaws at a soul,
Perhaps,never revealed,
For eternity,untold.

*****

No light on the path,
Called lonliness.
No hurt on the path,
Called hate.
What pain in the hearts,
Of those who love!
What plight of those,
Who care!

*****

Be wary of flattery,
Be thankful of praise,
To know the difference,
Seek the speakers gaze!

*****

The restless tide

Rushes in

As we stand on the shore

What we saw, we see no more.

Hidden agony

I can feel your pain,
But I still refrain,
From coming in between,
Creating a scene.
I know ypu well,
And I can tell:
Your heart is torn in two!
But there's nothing I can do-
If you carry on this way,
Keeping ev'ryone at bay.
Its impossible to fathom,
What you're trying not to say.
Here's a bit of advice,
Though I may not be wise,
Let your feelings out,
Cry,scream and shout.
It won't guarantee bliss,
But I promise you this:
While it's not a cure,
You'll feel better for sure!

Random verses

Anxiety and anguish,
Shadows that languish,
Out of sight,
But still in mind.
Seek,and you will find.

* * *

A change so quick,
Like silver swims.
Thoughts cloud up.
Tears brim.

* * *

By another river brown.
Gushing forward.
Looking down.
Narrow,rickety bridge across.
A misthought step-
A loss!
Falling down..without fear.
The end of life-
Finally here!

***

A day of breath,
Shaken up,
When love knocks:
Endeth by death.
Woe and fear,Linger on..
Tho' life's gone.
Feelings remain,
For heroes slain.
Another twist,
Thru' the mist.
A heart broken,
By words not spoken.

* * *

Unhibited,not alone.
By sanity,sworn.
To take life,
Into my hands.
Give unto them,
What I've divined.
In all the days,
Of life and breath,
To leave something worthy,
Before glorious death!

* * *

Trouble and Tears

All I can feel..
Is this even real?
When did life get so hard?
The pain echoes deep.
Making you weak.
Like an open wound,
Pricked by glass shards.
Picking up the pieces,
Of what you left behind.
Shattered and scattered
Like my messed up mind.
I want: the answers,
To questions unknown.
Perfect abandon,
Some time on my own.
So swiftly things changing,
No stone left unturnd.
Wholely affecting,
Whatever we yearned.
Like the epicentre,
Of an earthquake benign,
Too many stories.
Too little signs.